Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The fucking cheek of it!

I’m amazed at how quickly complacency sets in with me. One moment I’m a finely attuned killing machine, the next, the enemy has breached the gates and I’m allowing it to party under my nose.

Yes, the mouse is back!

Not that specific mouse, of course. It was well and truly dead when I found it at the bottom of the bucket of water I’d used to trap it with. And I don’t think Dutch mice are any more prone to resurrection than British or South African ones are. This is a new one. For a short while though, it seemed as if its ghost had made an appearance. A couple of days after it had been sent out in a body bag (= kitchen rubbish), a mouse appeared for the briefest of moments one evening. That was all. There was no further sign of him in the week that followed. I put it down to an apparition created by my over-developed mouse-detecting sensors. With no further sign of him, I forgot about mice until I started hearing suspicious noises in the kitchen. Still no sign of a mouse though. One of the kitchen windows has been taped with thick tape to keep out draughts but the tape gives way on particularly gusty days. Perhaps that explained the ‘mouse noises’?

Then I saw it again.

It ran along the entire length of the kitchen surfaces. This was no ghost. Nor was it a product of my over-active imagination. This was a real mouse. Unlike the first appearance of the first mouse, I wasn’t consumed with an immediate desire to get rid of it. The whole rigmarole of setting up a trap seemed like too much effort. I tried to ignore it. As the days went by, it got bolder and bolder, making less and less of an attempt to disappear as quickly as possible. I suppose its lack of speed could have had something to do with it getting fatter on all the rich pickings to be had in the kitchen. Surely not that quickly? Still I made no attempt to get rid of it. The closest I got to displaying it any ill-feeling was stomping loudly in the kitchen. Not a pretty sight but not scary either; hardly the actions of a hardened mouse-killer.

Then, on Sunday night, I heard screeching sounds. They sounded like fighting noises but they could have been the noises of mouse revelry. How does one distinguish between the two? I’ve no idea. But there was definitely more than one mouse in the kitchen.

And then last night, while lying in bed reading, a mouse ran across the bedroom floor. Bloody hell, talk about getting bold! I threw Sunday’s newspapers at it and felt rather pleased with the way I made it scuttle, its arse and tail bouncing ungainly as it fled out of the room. ‘War and Peace’ may have been more effective but there was still no sign of it by the time I’d switched the light off.

Hours later, in the middle of dreaming about Helen Mirren, I woke up. Nothing odd about that as I usually wake up several times during the night. But what was odd was feeling something moving against my ankle. It had to be a mouse. To check, I slowly moved my leg to see it there'd be any reaction. Sure enough, something moved. And very quickly too! I had a fucking mouse in my bed. The fucking cheek of it!

I’m not going to bother about my water bucket trap tonight. Instead, I’ll stick with convention – I’ll be setting several conventional mousetraps.

UPDATE: My next post proves that the mouse wasn't a ghost or a figment of my imagination. Squeamish readers need not worry about the PG-rating of the evidence.

13 Comments:

Blogger DougZAR said...

I once woke with a flea in my ear. It took him about ten minutes to follow the light and find his way out. A mouse in my bed? I'd prefer that any day!

5:56 pm  
Blogger Schokolade Madchen said...

Eewwwwww! I'm itching just reading about it. I would not be able to sleep in that bed for days. Is it possible you might consider not killing him? Are there mouse traps that don't kill the mouse, only catch him so that you can take him outside?

6:00 pm  
Anonymous chitty said...

The mouse you killed had many friends and they are coming to get you!

8:26 pm  
Blogger BlondebutBright said...

I've managed to escape such infestations in my time in Amsterdam - better knock on wood!

8:49 pm  
Blogger Ariel said...

Erm, there are humane mousetraps into which you could try baiting your unwanted rodent(s) with peanut butter. This being said, are you sure this is an actual mouse rather than the mouse in your head? Or indeed a ghost mouse? Are there signs of nibbling anywhere? Droppings?

12:47 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

DougZAR: Funny you should mention a flea in your ear as I once had an ant in my ear. It wouldn’t come out and I had to put glycerine in my ear to ‘drown’ it. I seem to have a thing about drowning pests, don’t I?

Schokolade Madchen: You do get mousetraps like that but I’m not sure where you get them. And as I’m now in a hurry to get rid of the mice, I’ll go for the crueler variety of trap.

chitty: You know what? The same thought crossed my mind.

BlondebutBright: If you want, I’ll get one of those humane traps and set the mice free at your place.

Ariel: No nibblings and, as far as I can tell, no droppings. But those mice are REAL!!!

9:33 am  
Blogger Terri said...

Show no mercy, Nomad. Before you know it they'll be drinking straight from the milk carton and using your slippers.

11:54 am  
Anonymous Tammy said...

Sheesh that sounds brutal or should that be EEK?? Wonder what the correlation with mice and Hellen Mirren is??

5:26 pm  
Blogger J. David Zacko-Smith said...

What they say about rats and cockroaches applies to mice - they ALWAYS have friends! I admire your attempts to live and let live, but, I agree, that mouse has gotten too cheeky to deserve such considerations! Ack!

7:15 pm  
Blogger Alan said...

Where did you see the mouse ? Was it there, there on the stairs ? Was it a little mouse with clogs on ? Now nreak its neck with a trap !!!

8:24 pm  
Anonymous Peter said...

Hi. You're very laid back about all this. You must know the mouse in the bed is the ultimate horror for many people.

Me I had mice in my house eighteen months ago and the sheer terror of fearing what you describe made my hair start to fall out. It's still falling out, even though the mice have long gone due to the cat I had to get.

Mice have fundamentally altered my life and I hate them. I'll probably not sleep now, after reading this.

10:29 pm  
Blogger Mr. X said...

We took weeks to catch the little bugger that invaded us - eventually got him with a humane trap and a chocolate raisin.
Good luck!

10:45 am  
Anonymous Boniface said...

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2:34 pm  

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