Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm in the closet....

...when it comes to watching Big Brother! Yes, I'm a closet Big Brother watcher. I even pretend to myself that I don't watch it by not really paying it too much attention after I have the telly switched on to it. And, to make the illusion even stronger, I make sure that I don't have it on every night.

See, I despise most reality programmes, particularly Big Brother, so admitting to watching it goes completely against the grain. It's TV made for the lowest common denominator and panders to the generation obsessed with Heat, Hello and OK magazines. And since I'm from a previous generation and, more importantly, of an intellectual bent (!), I really can't want to watch it, let alone be known to be doing so.

What excuse could there be for this uncharacteristic behaviour of mine? Oh, I know, it's the local interest factor! One of the contestants, Lea, is a local 'lass'. Not only is she a Nottingham resident, but she works just around the corner, about a minute's walk from my flat.

Isn't she just too ghastly? She allegedly has the biggest tits in Britain and has 'acted' in several porn films. I really have no bone to chew about what people do to their bodies and what they do for a living but does she really have to look like that? Surely, straight men aren't turned on by that look? Well, some of them must, if most of them don't. Anyway, to discover that she works at the Adult Gift Shop round the corner from me is no surprise.

I often walk past the shop and always have my senses assaulted by its garish pink vulgarity. It's a larger-than-life embodiment of the Barbie aisle you find in the girls' section of a toy shop, another assault on the senses but one that is easily avoided if you don't make a habit of frequenting toy shops. Come to think of it, Lea could be an example of a perverse attempt at trying to make a real human being approximate the completely unnatural proportions of a Barbie doll.

hockley sex shopEarlier on, when I strolled down to the shop to buy some fags, I thought I'd take a picture of the place to show you what I mean. You must agree that you could imagine her lording it over a place like that? And, to give you a bit more evidence, I have provided you with a few clips of her. The clips also include another contestant, Nikki, who must have the most malleable face in England. She's extraordinarily irritating but horribly compelling to watch. Another clip shows Pete, the Tourette's Syndrome sufferer, the favourite to win Big Brother this year. Yes, he's a dinkum Tourette's Syndrome. Now you may begin to understand why this programme appeals to the great unwashed.

I'm not sure if these clips play outside the UK and Ireland so please let me know if you can't see them. Also, for some strange reason, it seems necessary to click on the play button three times before you see the actual clip. The first two times show short clips that aren't necessarily Big Brother related.

Since this will be the last time I pander to Big Brother fever or, at least, admit to it, I may as well go the full hog and show you a bit more. I came across a couple of clips taken from the lastest Big Brother in Australia where a contestant, Jamie, has caused a big stir. It seems that Big Brother there is a lot more explicit than the UK version so be warned should you want to play the clips at the office.


Anonymous xmichra said...

DUDE.. that is way different than the American big brother i can tell you that!!! Julie Chen would blow a gasket!

12:54 am  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

Nomad, what in the hell has happened here.In all reality, would one who watches this begin to feel like a Spanner??

4:06 am  
Blogger DougZAR said...

We had a Cape Argus vendor with Tourette's outside our building for several years. It was sad, and yet perversely fascinating, to hear him when he was out of medication.

10:18 am  
Blogger Qenny said...

"The whole country has gone mad for BB."

And no-one bats an eyelid. Whatever happened to safe sex?

10:24 am  
Blogger kyknoord said...

It's a bit like trying not to stare at a ghastly road accident.

12:51 pm  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

I hate swedish big brother...first I can never understand what the hell they are saying...and secondly there are never any women who don't look like ladies of the night on there....another stereo type filler...

11:03 pm  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

*waving feveriously* Hi Babs!!!
What a small world to see you here!!!!

11:04 pm  
Blogger angel said...

i've never watched big brother, but i do admit freely to being an avid watcher of the relity shows "survivor" and "lost" and "amazing race" and "eco-challenge"...
have you seen this...?

9:23 pm  
Blogger Alan said...

The first BB was OK as it proved to be some sort of social experiment with no one knowing whar would happen. But as the series have gone on it has decended more and more into a freak show. Odd people picked so they wont get on and when things get a bit slow the producers fill them full of booze and wait for the fireworks. But saying that the Oz BB does have some very big redeaming features !

9:45 am  
Blogger nyasha said...

have not watched BB since.... 2002.... that is a long time! and it was the portuguese version! :) unfortunately i can not watch the clips... i have tried but can't seem to access them. will try again later. But that Lea creature looks rather... scary (?) (surely not sexy!!!)

12:36 pm  
Blogger Tammy said...

How the hell does she stand up straight with those thongs - bet her parents are real proud.

12:46 pm  
Blogger Moncrief Speaks said...

That woman is frightening.

2:03 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

xmichra : I’ve grown to learn that American TV is a whole lot more conservative than British TV. Who is Julie Chen? And what about Canadian Big Brother? Is it also much tamer that the British version?

Babs O'Bitchin : My intelligence quotient has gone on permanent holiday, it seems.

TiggerZAR : I’ve never seen anyone with Tourette’s but seen programmes on it. Although I’m sure this guy will win BB partly because the public will feel sorry for him having Tourette’s, he’s definitely the nicest character there and that will make him popular too.

Qenny : I hadn’t thought that it could mean that. Silly me! However, I often refer to South Africa and South African as SA which, to many non-SA people, means ‘straight-acting’.

kyknoord : That’s a perfect analogy although I find it easier not to stare at accidents.

JerseyTjej : Thanks for popping by. So you live in Sweden but can’t speak Swedish?

angel : The British version of Survivor flopped here. Some reality programmes are quite enjoyable but most of them are absolute shite. Just had a look at that site, seems to be an online version of a reality TV show. Will have to look at it properly later at home.

Alan : The first one may have been a bit more serious in intent but now it’s all about ratings. Freaks and weirdos not getting on or having sex seem to bring in the viewers.

nyasha : I can’t access the clips from my office computer due to the setup here but have no problem at home. There should be no problem with the Australian BB clips as I’ve hosted them on some personal server space but the British BB clips may not work if Channel 4 don’t allow streaming to countries other than the UK and Ireland. Lea looks VERY scary. And although she has a rather common side to her, she comes across as more pitiable than scary, a person riddled with insecurities.

Tammy : I hope my daughter doesn’t decide on getting SA’s biggest breasts! :-)

Moncrief Speaks : Hideous AND frightening! But, as I mentioned above, more pitiable than scary.

2:32 pm  
Blogger Pam said...

Lea makes me feel sick.

12:31 pm  
Blogger angel said...

it is indeed and online reality show- with some tv episodes somewhere on the planet- but its for cats dude!

3:12 pm  
Blogger PJ said...

I'm so bored of Pete... one trick pony, and it's not even a particularly funny trick. So he says wankers a lot... big woop! he's so dull!

Big Brother watcher? Moi?? ;-)

9:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't watch BB because I was supposed to be there and as I didn't get it, I don't watch it. that's a stupid excuse but I like it. Apart from that, I know Pete he is from Brighton and he is a nice guy and I know Richard from the auditions and we used to talk a lot. That's all I gotta say. Nomad, when are you gonna answer to my emails? you were supposed to explain to me something. Let me know. Have fun!! xx

7:15 pm  
Blogger ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

I was a big BB fan of the first series in SA. (I was temporarily insane).
The only reality series I can stand to watch these days is Fear Factor

12:31 pm  
Blogger Frog with a Blog said...

Gee, you've been in the closet for a week now, what's happenin'? It's not like you to stay in there so long. Are you doing your own version of Big Brother all alone in there?

12:55 pm  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

Nomad, I'm not familiar with this show. I watch about 2-3 hours of T.V. a month. I don't even know if we have the show here? But anyway, how the hell ya been? xoxoxox

1:33 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Pam : She makes me feel decidedly queasy!

angel : Cool cats, I assume? :-)

PJ : Pete’s not as dull as some of the rest. I used to find Nikki infuriating but I love watching her forehead and mouth move when she goes on a rant which she seems to do all the time.

Rocco : Very silly reason!! Pete comes across as a nice guy, Richard doesn’t. Sorry about the emails but I don’t recall getting any. I commented on your blog about it so will be looking out for an email soon.

ChittyChittyBangBang! : I thought you were permanently insane? :-) Fear Factor is great fun but don’t think you get it here on any of the terrestrial channels.

Frog with a Blog : Sorry about the silence. Work has been very busy and I’ve not really felt like playing in the blogosphere when at home. I’ll be back.

Babs O'Bitchin : The US does have the show but I heard that it wasn’t that popular there for the first series. It may have got more so since then. I have been good thanks, I hope you have too? xxxx

3:45 pm  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

BB means Baloon Boobs?

We don't have Big Brother on tv here so I dunno know...

We have a newspaper here that panders to the 'lowest common denominator' and my very smart, well-read mother insists on reading it.

I sneer. But I secretly pick it up and read it.


I also read Hello and OK if I get my hands on them.

11:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As Employees of The Adult Gift Shop in Nottingham, We find your Blog very small minded!

Lea Walker was infact sacked nearly 3 years ago!

The shop is Pink to stand out and attract customers. This is called marketing!

As members of staff we would not like to be stereo-typed as dirty freaks!

2:54 pm  

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