I'm in the closet....
See, I despise most reality programmes, particularly Big Brother, so admitting to watching it goes completely against the grain. It's TV made for the lowest common denominator and panders to the generation obsessed with Heat, Hello and OK magazines. And since I'm from a previous generation and, more importantly, of an intellectual bent (!), I really can't want to watch it, let alone be known to be doing so.
What excuse could there be for this uncharacteristic behaviour of mine? Oh, I know, it's the local interest factor! One of the contestants, Lea, is a local 'lass'. Not only is she a Nottingham resident, but she works just around the corner, about a minute's walk from my flat.
Isn't she just too ghastly? She allegedly has the biggest tits in Britain and has 'acted' in several porn films. I really have no bone to chew about what people do to their bodies and what they do for a living but does she really have to look like that? Surely, straight men aren't turned on by that look? Well, some of them must, if most of them don't. Anyway, to discover that she works at the Adult Gift Shop round the corner from me is no surprise.
I often walk past the shop and always have my senses assaulted by its garish pink vulgarity. It's a larger-than-life embodiment of the Barbie aisle you find in the girls' section of a toy shop, another assault on the senses but one that is easily avoided if you don't make a habit of frequenting toy shops. Come to think of it, Lea could be an example of a perverse attempt at trying to make a real human being approximate the completely unnatural proportions of a Barbie doll.
Earlier on, when I strolled down to the shop to buy some fags, I thought I'd take a picture of the place to show you what I mean. You must agree that you could imagine her lording it over a place like that? And, to give you a bit more evidence, I have provided you with a few clips of her. The clips also include another contestant, Nikki, who must have the most malleable face in England. She's extraordinarily irritating but horribly compelling to watch. Another clip shows Pete, the Tourette's Syndrome sufferer, the favourite to win Big Brother this year. Yes, he's a dinkum Tourette's Syndrome. Now you may begin to understand why this programme appeals to the great unwashed.
I'm not sure if these clips play outside the UK and Ireland so please let me know if you can't see them. Also, for some strange reason, it seems necessary to click on the play button three times before you see the actual clip. The first two times show short clips that aren't necessarily Big Brother related.
Since this will be the last time I pander to Big Brother fever or, at least, admit to it, I may as well go the full hog and show you a bit more. I came across a couple of clips taken from the lastest Big Brother in Australia where a contestant, Jamie, has caused a big stir. It seems that Big Brother there is a lot more explicit than the UK version so be warned should you want to play the clips at the office.