Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Interview questions for Saddle Up

The interview meme shows little sign of dying.

This is my fifth interview and there are another two in the pipeline. And, after commenting on how I only seemed to be interviewing straight women, this interview will even the score between straight women versus gay men. The next interview will be another straight woman, the one after that, my first interview of a lesbian. Although this blog isn’t only about sexuality and I’m beyond redemption when it comes to PC-ness, I wonder where the straight men and transgendered volunteers are?

saddle upSaddle Up is my next victim. I hope that he won’t be a case of ‘sloppy seconds’ as he was probed by Gay Banker very recently.

We’ve all heard how women accuse most men of not being able to think further than their dicks. In Saddle Up’s case, there’s no doubting the truth of that accusation as not only is his main blog mostly sexual in nature but he has another that is devoted to his ever-increasing number of piercings, including his PA. But since ‘He’s a man who thinks with and about his dick all the time’ could apply to many men, that’s not really a good enough description of him. Fortunately, although he’s not been blogging for long, his blogs give us enough detail from which to form a mental image of him:

Saddle Up is a gay man in his early 30’s who lives in East Anglia with his two cats and his partner whom he refers to as ‘Fella’. He talks of having a good job that he’s good at and liking the environment and people that work there even though it isn’t as fulfilling as he’d like it to be. The work seems to involve a lot of meetings, telephone calls and emails but he doesn’t actually say what it is. Since he appears to have a good knowledge of HTML, as shown by his blog design, I’d hazard a guess that it’s IT-related.

Saddle Up and Fella have been together for a few years (I’m unable to work out how many). He’s always fancied older men and Fella is sixteen years older than he is. Although they both love each other, they no longer have sex, something that he regrets. He gives no reason for this but he suspects that Fella may be put off by his piercings. In the meantime, he has an active sex life that Fella has no idea about. This has been going on since before they stopped having sex.

Incidentally, his dick is referred to as ‘little fella’. I don’t think ‘little’ is meant to be taken literally and I don’t think you’re meant to read anything into the fact that he calls his partner a dick. :-)

And now for the questions…

Question 1:
‘I was never a sporty person really - I hated rugby - and my dad thought it was cool that I was in the school team so I guess I went along with it, for him more than me.’

Although you haven’t been blogging for that long, this is the only time you mention your father. You don’t even mention him as part of your ‘coming-out’ story. Should I read any significance into this?

Question 2:
Your first sexual encounter, with your married gym teacher, ‘Mr Wales’, lasted for 3 years while you were still at school. You say that he taught you many things, both sexually and mentally, and that most of your partners/boyfriends since then who’ve had any significant impact on your life have had common attributes to Mr Wales. Because you were entirely willing and there was no element of coercion, you don’t regard the affair as abuse. I have a very vivid recollection of myself as a young teenager being in a similar situation with an adult where I was more than willing to get sexually involved with him but I was too nervous and he wasn’t persistent and/or was unable to read my willingness. Nothing happened. Had something happened between us, I probably would not have thought of it as abuse either. The law, of course, would view it as abuse. But the law tends to look at things in black and white with little room for flexibility. However, as an adult, possibly influenced by the fact that I’m the father of a teenage son, I side with the law as many teenagers, especially those who are gay, are very vulnerable emotionally and sexually, and sexual contact with a much older person, particularly someone in a position of authority, could be very damaging. In your case, there appears to have been no damage. And, neatly reversing the accepted maxim that child abuse perpetuates itself by making abusers out of the abused, you’re more interested in older men than younger men.

This is meant to be a question not an essay, right? Ok, so here’s my question: What are your thoughts on sex with boys who are deemed under-age by the law?

Question 3:
I’m unable to tell if you work in a gay-friendly environment or not but you don’t seem averse to cruising guys in your work environment. Have you ever had sex with anyone from work at work? If so, isn’t this something to avoid à la the proverbial ‘don’t shit on your own doorstep’?

Question 4:
For someone who says he cries too rarely, you mention crying several times. Talking about James, the love of your life, reduces you to tears and listening to REM’s ‘You are the Everything’ always makes you feel like crying. Do you think you should cry more? Why? Are there any other songs that make you feel that way?

Question 5:
Soon after I stopped having sex with my wife (we’d been having it very infrequently before then), I recall reading an article in a women’s magazine on the reasons for the lack of sex in a relationship. The article’s rather simplistic analysis ascribed the problem to three reasons. He’s having an affair. There’s a physical/heatlh reason (tiredness, stress, impotence, etc). He’s gay. No prizes for guessing which of those reasons applied to me! In applying that analysis to the fact that you and your partner no longer have sex, one has to ‘homosexualise’ the reasons. I seriously doubt that he’s straight so only two of them are potentially applicable. Would you agree? And, although a good sex life with him may not prevent you from seeking sex from others, do you think you’d strive to be more monogamous if you two were still having sex? I am, of course, assuming that he’s the one no longer wanting a sex life between the two of you.

The Official Interview Game Rules:
  • If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".
  • I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.
  • You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
  • You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
UPDATE: Gay Banker has posted a great set of answers to his interview questions.

UPDATE: Saddle Up has posted a the answers to his interview questions. They make for really interesting and informative reading.


Blogger Caroline said...

Mr Saddle Up obviously likes being probed as he added himself to my list of never to be interviewed interviewees...

Glad you are still enjoying interviewing people - you do have a gift for it!

(Maybe you'd better send me the blessing of being an interviewer to get me going again)

9:57 pm  
Blogger nyasha said...

Frog and Caroline are absolutely right - you have a talent to conduct interviews :)

12:54 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

caroline: While I enjoy it, it can be quite time-consuming which explains why it sometimes takes so long to get to them. And, yes, I do still remember that I've yet to 'spill the beans' for you.

Whoooooosh: that was me sending you the blessing of interviewing.

coffee addict: at least I have one talent. Pity I can't earn money from it.

1:19 pm  
Blogger Frog with a Blog said...

So much nipple... oh.

On Coffee Addict's site, you wondered why I never asked you to interview me and then you answered it yourself by saying how busy you were with other interviews and had no time to interview me... I don't know what to think now...

Well, why don't you interview me someday, whenever you get the chance and when you're done with all the other ones. Take the time that you need. That'd be fun. And my interview had better be at least as good as all the other ones!

I just can't get my eyes off that nipple.

oh that nipple...

4:17 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

blogfrog: I actually don't remember writing that. But, count yourself as on my list....oooo, what fun I'll have!

Still thinking about that nipple?

10:21 pm  
Blogger Saddle Up said...

My answers are up... find them here.

They were quite draining to be honest - and a little personal. I tried to be as upfront as I could but feel free to probe further if you want.

1:37 am  
Anonymous Justin said...

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2:20 pm  

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