Thursday, May 25, 2006

Interview questions for Gay Banker

gaybankerIn the past few months, I’ve interviewed four people (Xmichra, Caroline, Buddess, PJ) and now it’s time to interview another, Gay Banker. By interviewing him, I’ve gone full circle, so to speak, as my volunteering to be interviewed by him in January resulted in the others volunteering to be interviewed by me (see the official interview game rules below).

Since discovering his blog (I can’t remember how), I’ve become a regular reader of his even though his blog, ‘Things I can’t tell boyfriend no 1’, is very different from the other blogs I read. This is how how he describes himself on his blogspot profile:

I’m a gay man who works for an investment bank in London. When I started blogging back in Feb 2005, this blog was just a record of my encounters away from “Boyfriend number 1”, my boyfriend since 1989. But starting with my blog entry on 13-Jun-2005, this blog has also been a record of problems that have arisen in this long term relationship. I hope we’ll be able to work things out and stay together. A monogamous lifestyle doesn’t suit me, although life would be much simpler if it did.

An incident in New York in 1994, five years into a monogamous relationship, made him realise that he wasn’t any good at monogamy. A year later, he was using the internet to arrange sexual encounters. Since then, he’s had hundreds of sexual encounters which, until relatively recently, were unknown to his boyfriend. You’d be forgiven if you thought his relationship was a charade but he has this to say about his boyfriend:

I absolutely adore him. We still have sex, although nowhere near as frequently as we did when we first met, and I couldn't live without him. But I'm also addicted to meeting other guys for casual sex, which I sometimes think of as just a kind of hobby. The casual sex hobby doesn't provide the companionship I need as well.

In spite of my addiction I would never have an affair like the guy next door did. The core fabric of our relationship is the companionship aspect, and I don't think casual sex damages that at all.


Most of his sexual encounters are one-offs although he occasionally sees someone more than once. There are probably several reasons for this but one of them may be a desire to keep an emotional distance between himself and his casual sex partners. During the course of 2005, however, he took to calling someone he first met in Singapore in 2002, boyfriend number 2. Later on in the year, he met someone in London whom he now refers to as boyfriend number 3. In effect, after more than 10 years of casual encounters, he’s let his guard down and begun having affairs outside of his relationship with boyfriend number 1. It was after spending an entire holiday with boyfriend number 2 that he confesses to boyfriend number 1 about what he’s been up to behind his back.

You’d think that a blog that concentrates almost solely on numerous sexual encounters outside of an established relationship would only be worth reading for prurient reasons. (How prudish that sounds!!) But, in this case, you’d be wrong as there’s much more to Gay Banker’s character than his addiction to sex. He successfully manages to portray himself as an intelligent, articulate, interested and caring person. While he’s capable of completely detached, almost clinical, sexual encounters, he prefers to spend time with his sexual partners after sex so that they can cuddle and get to know a bit more about each other. In so doing, he often has humorous and insightful things to say about the way men interact with each other.

In my previous interviews, I’ve been able to rely on a lot of personal information to be able to ask quite probing questions that the interviewees may have been reluctant to answer. This time round, despite Gay Banker having been interviewed twice before (by Sage and PJ), I don’t have much more material to concentrate on besides his sexual encounters. You could argue that knowing so little about him gives me more of an empty canvass to play with but I like my interviews to be based on available information. So, by sticking to a sexual theme, not only am I sticking to the material available but my interview questions are entirely appropriate. How often is one able to say that probing sexual questions are entirely appropriate?

Here are my five questions:

  • Do you post about all your sexual encounters? If not, what makes you leave some of them out?
  • Most (all?) of your sexual encounters are arranged through gaydar (mainly) and gay.com. I’d have thought that your blog could be another source now that you have an established readership. Have any sexual encounters resulted from your blog?
  • You obviously have a good body and have no difficulty in attracting many varied sexual partners based on your gaydar profile. Without giving us your gaydar profile (you can, if you want!), what do you think it is about you that makes you attractive to all these men?
  • In discussing how some Asian men seem very keen on Western men, you make this statement: ‘With me the more I get to know someone like P, the more I care about them, whatever race they are.’ However, on a purely physical level, your experiences may have led you to conclude that some men are more sexually interesting to you than others. So, by race/nationality/age/etc, do you have a preference? Incidentally, have you ever thought of creating a map of the different countries from which the men you’ve had sex with come from (like the map you did of countries visited)?
  • In one of the answers to PJ’s questions you say that you have two completely separate identities, a cruising one and a home/work one, that you don’t mix up. Are they radically different from each other? If they were two different people, would they get on with each other?

Want to play? The Official Interview Game Rules:

  • If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".
  • I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.
  • You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
  • You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
UPDATE: Gay Banker has posted a great set of answers to these questions.

21 Comments:

Blogger Gay banker said...

Fascinating seeing my blog (and sex life!) de-constructed so clinically. Anyway, good questions which I'll enjoy answering, but give me a week or so.

GB xxx

6:56 pm  
Blogger Saddle Up said...

Interview Me please Mr Nomad :)

7:30 pm  
Blogger Caroline said...

Uh oh so you've now managed 3 since you interviewed me whilst I am still on 0...
that may change soon though... (where soon means in less than the next 5 months ;-)

You do such good interviews, its a brilliant skill you have.

I used to number my boyfriends - but that was whilst I was still a child... when I was 8, boyfriend no. 13 was extremely upset at being ranked so low, as boyfriend no.1 was his best friend. I however did not up his ranking to no.2 as asked by no.1 - I felt that it would have been breaking the prinicple of the whole thing. How cruel children can be...

7:55 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

gaybanker: I'm a cold fish, aren't I? I look forward to your answers.

saddle up: I'll happily interview you but don't expect it anytime soon although I may get the urge sooner rather than later.

caroline: You do remember we were talking about a collaborative interview? Is that still on the cards? You certainly do sound like a heartless bitch when you were a child - how did you turn into such a lovely adult? :-)

10:43 pm  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

I've never played this game before.

Interview me, please!

What a great blog find, thanks!...In fact, I was reading this post on bloglines, and thought it was a post by someone else, and thought to myself, "I must recommend this blog to Reluctant Nomad."

10:55 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

gaybanker: one other thing, which life are you referring to that has been so clinically dissected? :-)

portuguesa: So you think of me at times? Sweet! :-) I'll gladly interview you but it may take a while before I get there. I'll let you know as soon as the questions are ready.

12:00 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

What great questions! I have only visited Gay Banker a few times, not enough to really get a sense of his site, from that intro, I must spend more time there!

LOTS to learn!

10:25 am  
Blogger straighttalker05 said...

Thanks for the comment nomad.

Interviewing sounds interesting. If you have a spare moment and can think of any burning questions, interview me!

3:29 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

straighttalker: Thanks for popping by. I'll get to interviewing in the next few weeks.

4:08 pm  
Blogger Gay banker said...

Thanks again for the great questions, you can find my answers here!

GB xxx

7:41 pm  
Blogger averagedrinker said...

from a transexual coke now to a gay game. i think gay relationships and matters as well are being publicized too much already. whay don't we talk about straight onine dating stuff like webdate for instance? is it really that hard?

10:02 am  
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Source: Second interview questions

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