Monday, April 10, 2006

Interview questions for Buddess

For those of you who’ve been waiting to be interviewed, you probably think that I don’t like the ‘Interview Meme’ but you’re quite wrong. I enjoyed answering the interview questions put to me by gaybanker and I thoroughly enjoyed doing the research to interview Caroline and Xmichra. And since both of them put so much effort into answering my questions, I found reading their answers tremendously interesting and enjoyable. So, the long delay in getting on to the next one is not easily explained apart from the fact that I’ve been spending less time in the blogosphere of late.

Ok, I’ll stop procrastinating and get on with the next interview.

buddessBuddess has been blogging since September 2005. I discovered her though oodlesofnoodlesoffun, her main blog, but she has another, Jo's Angels, that’s more of a diary charting her life as a mother of two toddlers and all that that entails. Although there’ve been periods where she blogged quite infrequently, she’s said enough about herself in the past few months for me to create a mental picture of her. I hope that it isn’t too inaccurate.

hunter's dry ciderAlthough an erstwhile biker who is able to swallow a Hunter’s Dry(cider) bottle without gagging, use her mouth to shoot shooter glasses across a room and will beat anyone at darts, Buddess, an accountant, is happily settled down with her partner, Bazil, and their two toddlers, Jess (1) and Jodi (soon to be 2). Being a mother of two toddlers while holding down two jobs makes for a busy, stressful life which hasn’t been helped by having a lodger who’s been battling a drug problem and having had her partner’s antagonistic and alcoholic father stay with them for many months. She’s always lived in or around Port Elizabeth, a provincial South African city that outsiders often poke fun at but whose inhabitants will defend with pride and passion. But, having said that, her life has been a full one with its fair share of heartache and disappointment. Interestingly, while her circumstances, experiences and enjoyments, are quite typical of a late thirties woman anywhere in the Western world, she also lives a life that is very typically South African.

Trying to sum her up in a few sentences is difficult but I’d describe her as sensitive, friendly, empathetic and loyal, yet fiercely independent. And while she’s easy-going and lives for the present, she can be nostalgic, has occasional regrets about the past and sometimes fears for the future, especially where it concerns her children. It will be interesting to see if the answers to my questions confirm or change my picture of her.

Buddess, as usual, I’m a bit unfair/greedy in my interviewing approach as each question, while sticking to a theme, tends to be a multi-parter.

Question 1: Quite a lot of your posts refer to the past in a longing way. You mention missing a very good friend whom you regard as a soulmate, you described the joys of Christmas but contrasted them with the simpler, less commercial Christmas periods of your youth and you talk about the great times you had as a biker at biker rallies and with your fellow biker friends. Those biker days sound like they involved a lot of drinking and partying, something you obviously enjoyed, but you don’t appear to do much of that now. Do you miss it badly? Or does it just seem like a good part of your past that you don’t necessarily want to return to now? Generally, do you cling to the past in some way or are you sentimental/nostalgic?

Question 2: While you mention three ex-husbands in your ‘other’ blog, you only seem to talk about one of them on your ‘main’ blog. I’m assuming that he’s the man who took you to your matric dance and is the father of your teenage kids. I’m also assuming that he’s the one who hurt you so deeply when he told you that he was having an affair. Am I right in these assumptions? Why don’t you mention the other husbands?

Question 3: How did you meet Bazil and, given your past experiences, what made you decide to live with him? You’re quite adamant that you will not marry again, probably as a result of your previous experiences with marriage but you come across as religious, not necessarily in a conventional way, so has the issue of ‘living in sin’ ever bothered you?

Question 4: Although you come from a big family, you’ve mentioned how you also like your own privacy, something that can be very elusive when surrounded by people. Taking your partner’s father in as a lodger for a while, despite not getting on with him, could be regarded as an obligation in deference to your partner. But, as far as I can tell, there was no obligation to take in 'cocaine cowboy', your lodger. While there have been times when you’’ve questioned whether you should allow him to remain there, it seems that you are concerned about his wellbeing and the wellbeing of his child. Throwing him should he have nowhere to go would seem cruel but why did you take him in in the first place? More importantly, why don’t your teenage children live with you?

another biker in the family?Question 5: The theme of this question is applicable to many a parent who has lived an eventful, even dangerous, life. Biking can be considered a dangerous pastime so how will you react should your kids become bikers?

Question 6: I know that the Interview Meme only calls for five questions but, in the interest of fairness, I’m giving you another since I gave Caroline six. But, since the previous ones have all been very probing and serious, I’ll end up with a much more light-hearted one. You say you absolutely love all movies and your 1983 episode of going to see Poltergeist at the drive-in has all the makings of a classic horror. Do you have limits to what you like in terms of violence, sex, poor story-line, etc? Would you ever actually walk out of a cinema if you didn’t like (for whatever reason) what you were watching?

Being an impatient sort of person, I’d love to see the answers to these questions immediately but having delayed so long, I think that may be considered a tad unreasonable. So, instead of expecting them tomorrow, perhaps I can get them tomorrow?

For those of you who may want to be interviewed in this fashion, here are the Official Interview Games Rules:

  • If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".
  • I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.
  • You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
  • You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Addendum: Having just re-read this post, I’ve just realised that it may give readers who don’t read Buddess, a bit of a skewed opinion of her. The questions could easily give you the impression that she’s an unhappy and/or depressed person whereas that impression would be completely false. While my questions are based on my analysis of what she’s written, they’ve focused on a side of her that exists but which definitely does not dominate her outlook on life. Reading her blog, you’ll discover that she’s a happy person who’s enjoying life.

Perhaps the nature of the questions says more about me than about her?

UPDATE: Buddess has done a great job of answering my questions very openly and comprehensively. Read her answers here.


Blogger BUDDESS said...

I regretted the question before I even asked it. I will do my best to answer them asap seeing that I was so greedy in you asking them.

3:58 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

That'll learn ya!!

Take your time, there's no rush but I do look forward to the answers. However, re-reading my post, I think I need to supply an addendum. I'll do that now.

4:07 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Incidentally, it was quite coincidental that you asked after the interview in a comment to an earlier post as I'd just about finished it yesterday but had a few things to add to it before I posted it.

Anyway, I hope that you find the questions interesting and challenging rather than tedious and annoying.

4:27 pm  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

My God Nomad, you have really done a splendid job here and I look forward to her answers.

3:25 am  
Blogger whatalotoffun said...

I know Buddess well and the way you do describe her is about 70% correct. She is a friend that you would hate to lose. She is always there for you. The normal downfalls wont get her down. She will only say something bad about somebody if it is really true. Cant wait for her answers

8:05 am  
Blogger BUDDESS said...

Ok, don't fret about the questions and so on. I answered them and let everyone decide for themselves. Some tough ones there but you did a spendid job. Thank you. You are right. I am happy enjoying life and tend to write about things that used to make me sad. Maybe I should focus on other things instead.

10:14 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Buddess, what a great bunch of answers!

The questions and answers are very much the sort that are designed to expose a lot more about yourself than has already been exposed in your posts. Since they expose what is hidden or unclear, it’s difficult to know whether the questions are too personal or not – you may have chosen to hide things deliberately and be uncomfortable exposing what the questions are asking for. But, having seen my other interview questions, you’d have been prepared for some deep probing before you elected to be interviewed so I worked under the assumption that you’d not be too uncomfortable with my approach. In some ways, you answered more than I asked for even though my questions were ‘multi-parters’.

Although you didn’t specifically answer my question as to whether you cling to the past or not, it is more than obvious that you don’t despite being a very sentimental person. And, reading your other answers, it’s quite obvious that clinging to your past, quite a difficult one in recent years, would be most unhealthy.

It’s heartening to see how you have managed to take control of your life after so many wrong turns and land up in a place that is so happy and secure.

Thanks for answering them so openly and comprehensively.

I wonder if anyone is going to put themselves under your spotlight?

11:14 am  
Blogger BUDDESS said...

I actually exposed much more than intended, but it all just came tumbling out. I knew your questions would be tough and probing and it actually felt good to be honest and open. It is important that we learn from our mistakes and to be able to let go of it.

11:25 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

If I got more than intended to tumble out, I must be a good interviewer??

You are quite right about it being important to learn from one's mistakes.

12:16 pm  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

Gee, you're good, you really are. I think I said this with Caroline's questions too.

Tomorrow I'll be back to read Buddess's answers.

2:01 am  

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