Saturday, March 11, 2006

What makes a Fag-Hag?

In a comment to my previous post, Terri asks, 'So does being a Fag-Hag qualify as 'hobbies and interests' d'you suppose?' Of course it doesn't, it's a full-time occupation! Or, rather, vocation.

To support that statement, I thought I'd have a look at MissMish's (aka Drama Queen, Fag-Hag, JAP) blog, my favourite, truth be told, only fag-hag, for some pointers on what it is that makes a true fag-hag. Unfortunately, while I found her list on 'How to be a Drama Queen', I couldn't find a similar list on what makes a fag-hag. I had to look elsewhere.

As always, Google came to the rescue.

Just in case any of you aren't familiar with the term, here's one of the definitions, my favourite, taken from the Urban Dictionary:

urban dictionaryThis is a woman who prefers the company of gay men because she recognizes their effervesence, incisive wit, and sheer brilliance regarding the human condition. This woman appreciates the fact that gay men know how to drill down to the bittersweet core of an issue and make light of it where necessary, and simultaneously make dark humor of it where otherwise necessary. It is a gift that comes from being an outsider: rather than lying down and taking a beating, as some do, the exaulted gay man rises from the ashes and finds the ridiculous glory in being an outsider. In this endeavor, he seeks the company of a woman, and she of him...because regardless of intentions, women and men enjoy the company of those who feel "right" to each other.

No surprise why I chose that as my favourite!

It may interest you to know that 'Fag-Hag' has a number of synonyms, one of which, 'flame dame', has only recently been discovered by MissMish. Here are a few more: fruit fly, sissy missy, fairy godmother, gay goddess, princess with a pink wand, ribbon clerk, queer dear.

There's a lot of stuff out there discussing fag-hags and what makes them tick but here's one of the best pieces that concludes with this paragraph:

'In researching this topic it would be easy to critique fag hags as psychologically looking for things they can't have; mascochistic in a sense that they look for rejection. It would be easy to simplify the facts as a response to gay men being "woman-like" and therefore associating with women. It would be easy to criticize the choice. But I find that being a Fag Hag is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a way of life. It is finding one's self through whoever you feel connected to, and if they happen to be gay men, so be it. When I first was labeled "Fag Hag" I was ashamed. But it is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud to be a Fag Hag.'

I also discovered that fag-hags exist in the world of comics. In this piece written byUltrasparky, he proves that Wonder Woman is a classic fag-hag:

'Wouldn't you want to lure her into your web of fabulousness and make her your new best friend? Seriously — everyone knows what Thomas is up to when he goes for those "walks" down by the piers, so why shouldn't you find yourself some sassy lassy to gossip with when you go for a cocktail? Those other queens will be so jealous they'll scratch your eyes out when you waltz into Studio 54 with this glamazon on your arm! If only she weren't always disappearing when you least expect it.'

By now you'll have a good idea of what makes a fag-hag so you may be interested in knowing if you qualify. Take this test and let me know how you fare.

I scored a paltry 53% but I'm a fag, not a fag-hag.


Blogger Babsbitchin said...

Excellent composition. I blogged this post on mine. Read, if and when you have a moment. I sincerely enjoyed this and hope you'll read mine.xoxo

1:15 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

I've just been to read despite being a bit over-indulged on red wine and having 'company' - great piece indeed!!

However, what is your score on that test?

1:50 am  
Blogger andrea said...

Just 47% ~ I never even knew such a category existed but I like it. Does the fact that I love Cabaret and have watched it a million times increase my standing?

3:49 pm  
Blogger Caroline said...

I got 40% but I didn't understand half the questions so even that might be a bit of an over estimate ;-)

4:40 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

andrea: you mean to say you've never heard the term 'fag-hag' before? where have you been hiding? :-) You do get some bonus points for having watched Cabaret that often! There's a list of other films that should they be favourites will give you more brownie points.

caroline: not a very good fag-hag at all! Some of those questions are a bit US-orientated and, of course, very fag-hag orientated so you be have got a higher score than you deserved. I'm watching Planed Earth now as I'm sure you are - I realised that I hadn't answered a question of yours posted on the Botswana post - I've answered them now.

9:17 pm  
Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

Many years ago I was proudly a hag.... sometimes I miss the good old days! =)

4:44 am  
Blogger kyknoord said...

"...effervesence, incisive wit, and sheer brilliance regarding the human condition..." I suppose that explains why 'dark and brooding' isn't working for me.

7:34 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

livewire: what happened since then?

kyknoord: you can see why I liked that definition, I'm sure. However, it's obviously referring to somebody who's not me! But, as regards 'dark and brooding', I thought that was appealing to some?

8:59 am  
Blogger andrea said...

Nomad: I know! I live in the gay capital of Canada but I guess I'm either sheltered or just obtuse. I'll vote on the latter.

Is Rocky Horror Picture Show included? (I'm showing my generation, aren't I?) As for something more recent, I finally saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday and thought the whole relationship between them was not only intensely emotional but HOT. I guess it's the female equivalent of the standard straight-guy fantasy of the lebian love scene. Too much information, I know...

(Will get back to you on the 5GB offer. Now that the initial impulse has passed, like most things in my life, I'm just too lazy to bother... like all those posts I plan to make but that never materialize.)

4:20 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

I'm not sure about Rocky Horror being part of the pantheon of fag and fag-hag movies. It probably features but not as much as musicals and various other films featuring people like Bette Davis. To tell you the truth, despite being a fag, I'm not the best person to ask such things.

As regards Brokeback, if you go back into my archives (January, I think) and find my review of the film, you'll find a link written by a straight woman going on about how sexy the film was, ie echoing your sentiments.

I know what you mean about the 5MB (not GB!!!!!) offer....once an urge has been and gone, it's difficult to resurrect. But, should you have the urge again, let me know.

8:06 pm  
Blogger Terri said...

OK I'm a bit late on this one but I just had to follow up since it was my query... well I scored 51%, so with a bit of practise I guess I could make this my new hobby. Yes? No? Maybe...

9:37 pm  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

Just for the sake of the fact that you asked, I got 26 out of 26 questions right. Pretty good,eh?xoxo

12:11 am  
Blogger andrea said...

Oops. 5MB.

2:50 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

terri: well, you could try but what if you become obsessed? Won't hubby get jealous of all those fabulous creatures you'll be surrounding yourself with?

babs: sounds like you should be giving lessons on how to be a good fag-hag!

andrea: what's a G and a M between friends?

9:51 am  
Blogger Clare said...

I've always loved gay men. Unfortunately, when I say 'loved', I do actually mean it.

I've fallen in love with a stupid number of gay men. I get close to them, we become best friends... and next thing you know I'm fantasising about helping them to discover their inner bisexual. It's very embarrassing.

I spent my teen years being hopelessly in love with my best friend Philip, and getting nowhere. Then I gave up and became a lesbian, and whaddya know... he came out to me. Pah.

Luckily, in the end I managed to find a man that really ought to be gay (and does a very good impression) but is inexplicably straight.

I suspect the whole women-falling-in-love-with-gay-men thing is very common amongst fag-hags (but I do hate the term fag-hag).

11:19 am  
Blogger Miss Mish said...

I love the term fag-hag. It sorts out the women from the girls.
And while I do love my boys I have never fallen in love with gay man. I just think they're fun to go out dancing, bitching and drinking with.

(OH and my score was 79% - the other 21% must be made up of Jap/Drama Queenery)

1:35 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

clare: sounds all very confusing this falling for gay men then becoming a lesbian and, finally, finding a 'gay' straight man.

missmish: very good score there and, yes,you're probably right about the 21% going to other factors.

7:59 am  
Blogger Clare said...

"do you want my recipe for butternut squash soup? Soothing, healing, comforting, delicious"

Yes please - sounds great! Just what the doctor ordered.

4:48 pm  
Anonymous Lynn said...

Found you from Dooce--scoured your archives through tag word GAY of course--isn't that what a true blue hag would do? Anyway, I love this post, it makes me feel proud to be a sissy missy...or whatever.

7:53 pm  
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