Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Heard on the company tannoy this morning

'Ladies and Gentleman, you may have noticed that the toilets and vending machines aren’t working. The engineers are working on the problem at the moment and hope to sort it out soon. Toilet facilities are available for use at Bewer House and a shuttle bus has been allocated for Colleague transport to and from Bewer House to access these facilities. The pick up point for the shuttle bus is directly outside main reception. For Colleagues with special needs taxis are also available from outside main reception to take them to Bewer House.'

This is a building with over 2000 employees!

What happens to those people with that particular special need, ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go’?

I have a desperate special need – where’s my morning coffee?

25 Comments:

Blogger Caroline said...

I think they should send you all home - this is defitely an unfit place to work....

;-)

11:32 am  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

I think they should send you home too, my God how can you go w/o coffee? What kind of communist set up is that? Poor Nomad. If it's like that tomrrow bring a bottle of red and wear some Depends, it'll all work out.xoxo

12:03 pm  
Blogger Freddie said...

Alan, I thank you muchly for the code and sound streaming tutorial. I have to say...it all looks a bit like gobbledeegook at the min but I will give it a whirl.

Regarding ur..uh..."special needs" quandry...I say...grab ur laptop and mobile and catch the next shuttle to where refreshments floweth and floweths are flushed!

I'll be damned if I would remain in a situation where I had to wait for the next bus to peepee! HAHA...peepee!....all aboard for PeePee, next stop flush central!

I kill myself!:-))

1:21 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

The crisis ended about an hour and a half after I posted this entry. Since then, I've had three cups of coffee and had to pee-pee once.

Life goes back to normal.

2:14 pm  
Blogger Tammy said...

Coffee is my life line - I just don't function without it. Are there no Starbucks near??

2:55 pm  
Blogger Ancient Clown said...

Next bus to "pee pee"
(ROFLMAOPMP)
oops too late ;-)
ya kill me too FREDDIE (tee hee)

Hey, you guys haven't noticed any SRI LANKANS milling around have you?
They made a brief but strong appearance in the Ancient Games ( GOLD Medal Games ), and then suddenly disappeared.
Foul play is being suspected,(dum dum dum dummmm.) but if there is any information out there, please forward to the Ancient Games Organizer at above link.
your humble servant,
Ancient Clown

4:11 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Tammy: There's a Starbucks in the building but it was out of action due to the lack of water. But, as regards other places to go, there are none as we're stuck out on a 'business park', a taxi or bus ride from the town. Not ideal at all!!

ancient clown: I've still not seen them so they must have been teleported somewhere else.

7:46 pm  
Anonymous xmichra said...

I don't drink coffee.. which people find odd since i am normally high strung (pretty good indicator of caffine) and I worked in a coffee place for over five years ;)
Smell just makes my tummy sick.

But the 'special needs' bathroom crap is just that.. crap. I would say that If I had to go I WOULD... let 'them' figure out if it was urgent enough..lol

8:44 pm  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

Coffee is a diuretic...oh but the loos are working again :-D

Y'know, EVERYBODY should've decided all at once that they wanted to go at the same time.

1:55 pm  
Blogger Terri said...

OMG what kind of a first-world society IS that when neither the vending machines or the toilets work??? And even more worrying... why d'ya suppose they went on the blink at the same time? What exactly is the connection?
I'd start bringing my coffee in a flask if I were you, Nomad..!

3:08 pm  
Blogger Clare said...

How odd that the toilets and vending machines are similarly affected.

Do your toilets dispense chocolate?

And on a completely unrelated matter... you know how when you access your site, the text takes a moment to appear, and you start out looking at a collage of maps and stuff?

Well, one of those maps is a bit, er, rude. To my eye, at least. It contains an island which looks like a vagina.

I can't be the only one to have noticed? Although if most of your visitors are gay men and straight women, then maybe I am.

4:41 pm  
Blogger Ms Mac said...

Is your building not breaking, like, a gajillion health and safety regs? One day the AC broke at my work and we all got a half day off- woo hoo!

I reckon you should have all been sent home leaving only a skeleton staff made up of management.

I'm a stay-at-home mother mind you so I'm probably blethering shite.

8:47 pm  
Blogger GayProf said...

Geez, if the restrooms ever went out on this university campus, tons of middle-aged-closeted-queer men would have no place to cruise.

For me, if the university lost coffee, students would unavoidably have to die.

12:18 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Xmichra: I don’t know if anyone actually got to use the pee-pee bus as the water situation was sorted out about an hour later.

Guyana-gyal: There could have been a mass exodus as everyone emptied the building and queued for the bus

Terri: Guyana-gyal has pointed out the connection between drinking coffee, a diuretic, and needing the toilet so perhaps this connection continues in the plumbing world. You may be right about bringing in my own flask! 

Clare: I don’t want to think about what the toilets dispense! Asking that question about them dispensing chocolate is not appreciated!!!! 

Funnily enough, I’ve not noticed the vagina until you mentioned it. I think that may be because the map of Madagascar has always been part of my consciousness whereas it’s probably not been part of yours. However, I can definitely see what you mean.

Now sticking to that theme, have you noticed how that picture with the palm trees on the left and the dhow silhouetted against the clouds looks like a big arse? The dhow’s sail is the arse crack and the clouds on each side form the large milky buttock flesh.

Ms. Mac: This being the UK, I’m quite sure you’re right about health and safety regs being broken. Do you suppose that’s why cinemas in the UK are never entirely dark? Do they need to leave a bit of light on to comply with health and safety? I miss the pitch darkness of S African cinemas.

Gayprof: surely were the toilets to go on the blink, it would be easier to cruise in them? You’d know that others lurking there were there for reasons totally unrelated to relieving bladders and bowels.

11:29 am  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

OK, where are you nomad, did you take off with mickelino, too? And I suppose rhino is MIA too?

1:04 am  
Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

That's when potted plants and trash cans come in handy! ;)

7:31 am  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

What?? That is so not American. There would've been lawsuits filed after the first 20 minutes. :)

8:03 pm  
Blogger Clare said...

LOL, you're right. The sail is an arse crack. But I have to squint a bit to see it. But I'm guessing that bottoms are often higher up (lower down?) in your consciousness than mine...

12:14 am  
Blogger angel said...

un-bloody-believable!

7:09 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

Nomad? Where you at babe.

1:14 pm  
Blogger rhino75 said...

Yes Nomad, you've disappeared!! Come back, we're tired of reading this tannoy post now...

6:31 pm  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

That's it, I'm calling the cops and reporting you missing. Somebody kidnapped you and they're making you do vulgar things and drink cheap wine and talk dirty and wear polyester, I just know it. Where are you Nomad?

12:31 am  
Blogger Frog with a Blog said...

Don't cry Nomad, I'm back now. You can start writing again! I know how much you missed me, but it's going to be alright now love.
;-)

2:17 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Many apologies for disappearing like I did. Alas, I have no glamorous reason or mystery a la Agatha Christie (even though I performed a proper disappearing trick about 10 years ago) for my 'disappearance' apart from apathy and listlessness.

So, no need for the police and many thanks to frog with a blog for drawing me back.

3:21 pm  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

I had the phone in my hand Mister and was about to dial when I thought, just check one more time, of course so I don't look ridiculous. Imagine that!

2:32 am  

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