Sunday, February 26, 2006

Build your own fleshlight

It was freezing yesterday so I was happy to remain ensconced in my little box all day. Also, it gave me no excuse to delay proof-reading my sister-in-law's thesis, something that I'd have happily put aside had I had an urge to play. I eventually completed putting the finishing touches to a case study on organisational change at about 2 this morning and opened my email to send her the fruits of my labours.

There were two emails waiting for me. One was an automated acknowledgement from my daughter telling me she'd picked up the birthday card I sent her. What the fuck was she doing up at that time? I shall have to give her some stern words, I will! And there was this one:

build your own fleshlightHi, Dear

WHAT IS IT?
The Vagina Fleshlight recreates the velvet texture of a young woman's vagina, and, with proper lubrication, feels like the real thing. Comes in five shades (Pink, Mocha, Chocolate, Lavender, and Ice). Lubrication sample included.

WHO IS IT FOR?
Dude, this one's for your private use.

HOW DO YOU USE IT?
First, place the gel insert (the "vagina") in hot water, until it becomes warm. Next, place the Vagina Fleshlight back into the canister, and lubricate your penis, as well as the entry and canal of the product. Finally, penetrate the toy as you would penetrate a woman.

For cleanup, simply take the gel insert out of its plastic case and run hot water through it to remove your semen. Disinfect it with alcohol. Towel or air-dry it and place it back into the canister. Re-powder it with cornstarch in order to restore its silky feel.

HOW SEXY IS IT?
6/10
It looks like a flashlight, but feels like a vagina. No one ever has to know what it is.

come be in Shady's world
Your Francis

Want to know/see more? Go here if you don't want their video to play immediately. Go here if you don't mind it playing on entry.

Look, I may not be a heterosexual, but do the hetties really like this sort of thing? Apparently they do if you trust these 'testimonials':

I am an ordained pastor, PHd, successful businessman, martial artist, father of seven, satisfied husband. The product was a challenge for me intellectually and morally until I thought it through, then I realized that a quality surrogate was a great solution to an ancient problem - the feeling of freedom, the release of guilt, the incredible sensation - just telling it like it is.

I am a widower, and generally disappointed with new attempts at relationships with women. Being a total heterosexual, I have searched and tried many different artificial vaginas. Of course, the hand is great, but it is an entirely different feeling than vaginal sex. All the cheap and fake rubber and plastic artificial vaginas that I have ever tried have found their way into the garbage can. The first time I used it was a learning experience, but when I had more time I used it twice today to an almost indescribable effect. This device demands time to enjoy properly. The control over orgasm is not so easy, but I can assure you will leave so satisfied that you just might go to sleep afterwards. This product is the real deal and worth every penny.

I just got my FL today, couldn't wait to get home and try it. I got the pink lady super ribbed. This thing does not let you down. I almost came upon entry! Those ribs... OMG. I thought I was going to explode when I tried to pull it out. Being a bare back type of guy, it has been a long time since I have came in my wife. Let me tell ya, this product is all it claims to be and more. I cant wait to order and try a different insert as well! Thanks Again

Actually, who am I to point fingers at the hetties, the homos probably have a wider range of odd sex toys!

18 Comments:

Blogger Terri said...

WTF???!

Er, yep that's all I have to say.

2:00 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

I couldn't agree more! I wish my spam filter worked properly - I keep getting this sort of kak in my email...degrees, dick enhancement, porn, get rid of debts and more.

2:18 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

And how could I forget the constant email invitions to visit 'Your Online Pharmacy'??

2:56 pm  
Blogger justin said...

I've thought of getting one, but then I thought about the hoots of laughter from my daughters when they find it after I've popped my clogs!

4:29 pm  
Blogger xmichra said...

Oh my... I don't think I have a comment here.. hehe. That is just.. well.. odd. Dolls I can understand a little (since they look like women) ut a flashlight??

4:35 pm  
Blogger Clare said...

"Being a bare back type of guy, it has been a long time since I have came in my wife."

I'm still trying to work out what this means. I think he means something else.

People do all sorts of weird stuff. And as for gay sex toys... butt plugs, anyone? Felching straws? Hmmm, nuff said.

8:38 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

justin: that image doesn't bear thinking about!

xmichra: perhaps people fall in love with their sex dolls whereas I'd like to think they wouldn't have too much attachment to their fleshlight!

clare: I didn't realise that bare back was a term used in straight sex. Also, the one testimonial seems at pains to stress his heteroseuxality - this is all very odd.

But, as regards your last sentence - it concurs with mine at the end of that silly post!

9:26 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

But is it an improvement on the blow-up doll with the o-shaped mouth? Not too sexy that I would think.

4:30 am  
Anonymous patita said...

things like this are why people need porn buddies. if you buy the farm, it is the porn buddy's solemn duty to clean up your stash before your family finds it.

4:34 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

andrea: you mean you wouldn't find my blow-up doll with the o-shaped mouth sexually appealling? :-)

patita: do you read joe-my-god? I remember reading a really poignant story about being somebody's porn buddy on his blog a few months back.

7:21 pm  
Blogger whatalotoffun said...

Whats next a blow up doll with a penis for women. I ones went into a sex shop just for the fun and boy all that funny toys, we had a good laugh. Wont beleive how busy they were guys coming out little rooms face red casping for air. DISGUSTING

7:21 am  
Blogger Gallery-Carre said...

Wtf - the fleshlight company have a strict anti spamming policy - who was the sender of the mail - and what urls did the link point to ??

10:57 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Unfortunately, I no longer have the email but the url given was: http://www.geocities.com/hayuis/

Have just tried to go there but I get an error message.

12:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

erm... homos = odd sex toys? as one i dont reallyagree with you...cuz we use the same as your wifes do usualy so... dont talk of what u dont know -_-"

10:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a gay male owner of a Fleshlight (with the anal opening and speed bump interior), I can truly say that you just don't know what you're missing. ;-)

1:37 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

honestly, my palm feels a lot better. This device is way too messy and too much work. Nothing beats the real deal. The next best thing is a hand job.

Feels like ur doing it with a piece of rubber.

But at least the sex toys are starting to become more and more available.

I mean, the females have all sorts of crap for their needs. Us guys needs some to. But this really isn't worth $60...

11:37 pm  
Anonymous price per head said...

I wonder why I did not knew this before.... it was a good read. You are working on a very good blog.. I look forward to visit your blog again....

12:56 am  
Anonymous Katy@sex toys said...

I think Fleshlight is the favorite sex toy of all men. I like the review that you have shared. Thanks for sharing. I will be looking forward to your future posts :-)

10:51 am  

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