Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Size queens, carrots and cheese

carrot manDid the title catch your attention? Well, it wasn't deliberate but, if it did, I'm not complaining. This is a rather meaningless post based on a couple of observations of the past few days.

While making myself a rather strange but delicious concoction of courgettes, onions, and green peppers fried in olive oil with chillis and garlic, I got to thinking about carrots. There were carrots in the fridge and I had contemplated adding them to the concoction before realising that I was going to serve it on toast, sprinkled with cheese then heated under the grill.

Cheese and carrots just don't seem to go with each other.

I can't think of any recipes where the two are combined with each other. And, when you think about it, pumpkin and butternut squash are also never served with cheese. Is it because they are relatively sweet vegetables? It's not as if carrots aren't served in many savoury dishes such as stir-fries and stews but they just don't seem to be compatible with cheese.

Having dispensed with carrots, on to my next observation.

I'm very appreciative of the penis and realise that they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, variations that make them interesting and, often, objects of great beauty. Large, strong ones are rather lovely but so are average ones. Smaller ones can be a bit disappointing but they have their place - they are so easily gobbled! Huge ones are interesting but generally quite scary if they approach the size of toddler's arm. So, having said that, I would like you to know that I'm definitely NOT a size queen!

What's the point of all that, you may be asking?

Well, let me put it quite simply. Being fucked by a small cock is really rather unpleasant. I could say, 'What's the point?' But, it's more than that. They actually irritate and, sometimes, even hurt. Hurt more than a large cock can hurt if one isn't ready for it.

New Year's Resolution #1: Do not get fucked by small cocks!

27 Comments:

Blogger Rob7534 said...

BRAVO!!

Nomad, I love that line, "I'm very appreciative of the penis..."

Now my question is: Does being appreciative of the penis in general (but still unimpressed by smaller penii) grounds for not labeling you as a Size-Queen?

Especially in light of the fact that small penii (is that a proper plural form?) are unpleasant during while making love? In fact, "Hurt more than a large cock can hurt if one isn't ready for it."

Your only defense of a small penis is that "...they are so easily gobbled!"

So I ask you again, are you SURE you're not a Size-Queen? Be honest now! No Lies!

Another New Year Resolution bites the dust :) As I doubt you will be so discriminating (I'm not calling you a slut either!) but if the opportunity should present itself, why not? Just Do It as NIKE says.

Incidently, how about Carrots Sticks dipped into some warm Brie Cheese?

7:41 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

Baked Brie with Amaretto Recipe

Ingredients:

1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 ounce amaretto
1 round Brie cheese
3 tablespoons almonds

Instructions:

Mix brown sugar with butter and cook on the stove, stirring until thick. Add dash cinnamon and nutmeg and then mix in amaretto to taste. Pour sauce over Brie round and add almonds. Bake at 350 degrees F for 10 to 15 minutes, or microwave at 30-second intervals until cheese gets soft.

Serve with crackers or baguette slices. Carrot Sticks? YUM :)

7:43 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Rob, you make a very strong, persuasive argument that I am a size-queen even though the term tends to be reserved for those who thing biggest is best. As regards that resolution biting the dust, I really hope not. If I do come across someone who is a bit on the small side, I will be the one doing the penetrating, not he! :-)

Thanks for that recipe, it does sound delicious. However, I'd argue that it is more of a sweet thing rather than a savoury thing so doesn't my feeling that carrot doesn't mix with cheese when it comes to things savoury still stand? I know that I wasn't that explicit when I rambled on about my observation.

8:05 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

I can't imagine how a carrot and normal salty hard cheese can mix. I think you are right, they won't mix so naturally in our mind's eye. Outside of a salad. And some warm dipping cheese :)

Size-Queens are very vocal about their preference, you're right with the "biggest is best" analogy. Can one be a not so vocal yet discreet Size-Queen? Where is the distinction between those who think "biggest is best" and those who merely suggest that "bigger is better" where is that line?

And what do we call these people if Size-Queen does not accuratly encapsulate their taste, because they are not that enthusiastic about size, just require a "Greater Than X" amount of cock?

Are they "Not-Quite-Size-Queens", or "Perceptibly-Size-Queens"?

And more the point, why must I catagorize everything by pigeon-holing it into some form of organization with a label? Maybe that is the problem! Too many labels that don't mean a whole hellulva lot! Relatively speaking.

In the end, I think I will call you a "With-Trouble-Size-Queen". Since it all distills down to the fact that, aside from the occasional love of all things cock, you need a larger variety to get off on!

=)

10:54 am  
Blogger rhino75 said...

Personally, I'm intrigued by the firmly-packed brown sugar in Rob's recipe. I do like things that are firmly packed. And the warm dipping cheese. As for the rest, it's all relative innit? One man's winkle is another man's truncheon. I try and be as accommodating as I can...:))

11:09 am  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

That is truly the most keepin'-it-real, attainable, practical, results-oriented resolution I've read on the blogosphere this new year. And I have full confidence in your ability to achieve that goal.

Off to dip some carrot sticks into some nacho cheese dip. Way healthier than tortilla chips, right?

11:47 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

HA! Rhino.

I think the firmly-packed designation in the recipe is because brown sugar tends to stick and clump. The only way you know you have the proper amount, is to make sure it is firmly-packed so any air bubbles are filled in.

Just how accommodating are you Rhino? Please elaborate :)

11:49 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

HA HA! Portuguesa.

11:51 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

rob: I may have suggested that I need a 'larger than X' to get off in a particular way but there are other ways of getting off with a 'smaller than X'. Where that fine line exists may be a bit problematic to define but I will know it when I see and/or feel it! :-)

Getting back to the cheese and carrot thing - one type of dish where I can see the two mixing is stirring a bit of cheese into a type of vegetable soup (minestrone maybe?) which may have quite a lot of carrot in it.

rhino: trust you to pick up on the 'firmly-packed' instruction! And, yes, the size thing is very relative and dependent on the participant(s) but when it comes to extremes I think all may be able to agree on TINY and HUMONGOUS, don't you think?

portuguese nova: I think that was a compliment, right? :-) I know that us gay men tend to be a bit more phallus-obsessed than women but I think that there may be a broad level of agreement on what constitutes teeny-weeny and annoying. A very good friend of my wife's is very much in love with her husband of over 20 years but she complained once, many years ago, about problems associated with his lack of endowment.

Those carrots being dipped into nacho cheese dip sound rather delicious...*tummy rumbles* Anyway, with all those weird weight-reducing things you are taking, you really have no need to worry about whether carrots are less fattening than tortilla chips or not. Right? :-)

12:05 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

rhino: please answer rob's question!

12:17 pm  
Blogger rhino75 said...

wot, and remove what little air of mystery I have left? Let's just say that maybe you shouldn't discount those rumours about me working in a bar in PatPong...

12:38 pm  
Blogger Miss Mish said...

Personally, I like to meet such an amazing amount of cocks that I can differentiate between the sizes.
Perhaps when one is on a slut-night out one should get the owners lined up ready for inspection so one is not disappointed?

1:26 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Rhino: PatPong? Pong? Too much information, thank you! :-)

MissMissh: Oh, Mish, you know it's all hypothetical when it comes to me...a case of wishful thinking?

I'm starting to regret having posted this - perhaps people will think I'm a slut.

1:36 pm  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

That's a fantastic idea Missmish! :)

1:37 pm  
Blogger RickB said...

personally I Think the only way to judge the value of a penis is to play it some music and see what it dances to.

As for carrots and cheese - I actually don't know any carrot recipes at all. Aren't they always a side vegetable?

1:43 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

rick: Sounds like a sound idea but what if you don't have the music it wants or you don't like the music it likes? Oh, that's the whole point....I gettit!

You haven't had carrot cake before? If you are a cake-baker sort, I can give you the perfect recipe. Carrots are also delicious stir-fried with other vegetables and chicken or meat. I love grated carrot in my cottage pie along with lots of garlic and chilli - yes, not quite your usual cottage pie! And carrots are great with things like potatoes in various types of meat stews.

See, quite a versatile little (or not so little) root even if not versatile enough to be happy with cheese.

2:02 pm  
Blogger Frog with a Blog said...

The smaller the carrot is, the juicier it is. That's a fact. Now as regards to male organs, juiciness does not relate to size. Therefore, small cocks can be as juicy and delicious as big ones.

Gee! there are two things I really hate in this world:
1) Size queens
2) Small dicks

Plus, unlike what the amateur chefs above seem to believe, carrots and cheese do mix beautifully.
If you want I'll send you my mash-carrot with cheese and garlic recipe, it's delicious.
Cheese on dicks may be juicy but not necessarily tasty though...
I could send you the recipe for the latter, but you'd accuse me again of being a dirty Frenchman who never showers.
By the way, Rob, you know I love you but Brie and Amaretto is a no no!

10:36 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

mickelino: you are up far too late! been eating cheese again?

please note that I do not dispute the potential juiciness of small dicks and that I know that I can have lots of fun with them. what I don't want, however, is to be fucked by them. plain and simple!

please send me that recipe...i am willing to be converted despite taking umbrage at being called an amateur (trust the french to give us that word!) chef!

10:41 pm  
Blogger Frog with a Blog said...

Ok, sorry, I'm really being arrogant (and that's a French word too actually!)
To apologize, here is a recipe which should make you happy.

Mashed Carrot Cheese Puffs
2 egg yolks (beaten)
2 egg whites
1 1/3 cup mashed carrots
3 TBSP hot milk
1/3 cup grated cheese
1/4 TSP salt
1/2 TSP finely grated onion
1/4 TSP paprika
1/4 TSP celery salt
1 TSP chopped green pepper or parsley
Mix egg yolks, mashed carrots, milk and cheese. Beat until fluffy. Add seasonings. Beat until stiff, then fold in egg whites. Place batter in a greased pan and brush tops with soft butter. Bake 20 minutes at medium heat. (I press a little bit of garlic as well and add it to the dough).

11:30 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Thank you mousieur le frog. Sounds delicious despite my cheese/carrot misgivings.

11:44 pm  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

Poor Micke, you know I love you too. But Amaretto goes great with just about anything.

In fact I would wager, it would be harder to find anything Amaretto wouldn't go with, than to find a wonderful blending of carrots and cheese.

I have $0.25 in my paypal account! Left over from my purchases of Porn. Any takers!

5:15 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

mickelino: calling you mousey was not a freudian slip...apologies for any offence caused! :-)

rob: dontate it to those who can't afford amaretto. let them eat cake, I say!

8:02 am  
Anonymous Alan said...

This bolg does seem to lend you to being a little bit of a slut, however I am with you on the size thing. Too big is too much and too little is not enough ! Even the right size penis can result in bad sex if the owner does not know how to use their equipment. On the whole bigger is better but biggest is not ... good technique can make up for alot of short falls.

2:19 pm  
Blogger BUDDESS said...

Well, I'm not gay, but I also love a penis. I have to wholeheartedly agree with "alan said" and that is that good technique can make up for a lot of short falls. From past encounters of the large and small kind, I can testify that if you don't know what to do with it, don't even try. Well, I have to be completely honest and admit that as a woman who have had 2 children by natural child birth, I prefer normal to larger rather than small. I once dated a guy whose tongue was longer than his penis!! We were great friends, but definately never became lovers.

9:40 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

buddess: what an image - 'I once dated a guy whose tongue was longer than his penis.' !!!

11:31 am  
Blogger Rob7534 said...

I imagine a very long tongue might act as a replacement... for a small penis :)

12:05 pm  
Blogger BUDDESS said...

If only his was a very long tongue...

7:29 am  

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