Friday, November 04, 2005

The Inconvenience of Public Conveniences

Public toilets have never been a favourite of mine. And by that I also include the toilet facilities at work, places that tend to be cleaner than ‘true’ public toilets.

Pissing in such places isn’t really an issue but like all men, unless they are cruising in a gay place, I observe urinal etiquette (*). Even though I sometimes suffer ‘piss-shyness’, I’ll always use the urinals in a ‘non-gay venue’ rather than the cubicles unless I’m going to commit a major breach of urinal etiquette. In a gay venue, I’ll always use the urinals even if I breach etiquette – I’ll only use the cubicles if all the urinals are occupied.

However, when it comes to a number 2, I avoid public toilets like the plague. Some people seem quite happy to be heard blatting and grunting away but I like to reserve those pleasures for the comfort of my toilet at home. Consequently, I’ve developed bowels of amazing strength and resilience so it’s rare for me to have to use public facilities for a dump. But sometimes they let me down.

Cubicles don’t have equivalent urinal etiquette but, on the whole, it would seem that the first cubicle tends to be avoided and the furthest one seems most ‘popular’. That observation certainly applied to me but I’ve recently changed the way I use cubicle when I’m forced to use them.

According to evidence and statistics that were discussed at the recent International Toilet Conference, the first cubicle is the least used and, there, the cleanest. This concurs with my empirical evidence so it makes logical sense to me.

I now use the first cubicle if I really have to take a public dump.

(*) If any of you, male and female, want to test your knowledge of urinal etiquette, let me know your scores. I got 50 out of 60.


Blogger Niles said...

30/60 -- the website thinks I'm female!

I never use urinals unless I'm alone in a building. Straight to the cubicles for me!

3:12 pm  
Blogger GAMBIT said...

An interesting outlook on modern etiquette. Had to open a new site so find me through this.

3:34 pm  
Blogger GAMBIT said...

I scored 40 on the test but that was only because I thought you had to put an answer to each question when I wanted to answer none to number 6.

3:49 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

niles: that really isn't very good at all, even if you do only use the cubicles! :-)

gambit: good going but, in future, don't be so ready to tick. :-)

4:01 pm  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

As far as anyone knows I have no bodily functions whatsoever and I want to keep it that way.

6:33 pm  
Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

The entire concept of a communal relief station is disgusting. Although, you will get one hell of an argument from my bladder! I got 40/60 - thank goodness I don't use urinals... =)

2:34 am  
Blogger andrea said...

35/60 -- I have some lessons to learn it seems. See, this is why anonymous blogs are so great. You can talk about whatever your little heart desires! Your previous post was a little uncanny for me, too, as it called up a similar sort of experience (minus the apparitions and psychic phenomena). It happened in London but the Other was a Brightonian and of remarably similar habits. Ah, tortured memories... :) I'll be back!

3:19 pm  
Blogger ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

50/60. Reckon I know how to piss then? :)

9:45 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

chitty: Very good, you do know how to piss after all! But do you know how to chitty? :-)

10:37 am  
Blogger Lubin said...

20 out of 60. Is this the lowest score yet?

5:37 pm  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

An impressively low score - definitely the lowest so far! Perhaps, as a prize, you deserve a truthful copy of Marcel Duchamp's urinal? :-)

5:52 pm  
Blogger jjd said...

hmm. we're bathroom twins. what an excellent post. I've found a secret bathroom at work on a floor not used and typically go there if nature requires.

7:11 pm  

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