Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Problems with Porn

Yesterday, out of sheer boredom, I did a lot of 'house-keeping' on my laptop. Apart from deleting tons of old emails and documents, I moved a lot of them into newly-created folders with appropriate names. Whether I'll still think them appropriate in a few week's time, remains to be seen. My filing system and naming standards are very haphazard so I suspect I may wish that I'd left things as they were.

Once the excitement of that chore died down, I thought I'd have a go at filing my porn into suitable categories. A really pointless task as I almost never go back to look at the porn I download. I hardly ever look at internet porn but I sometimes go through a phase of downloading the stuff. Strangely enough, the enforced celibacy of the last month hasn't got me into one of those phases...yet. Those of you who indulge in this sort of deviant behaviour will know the drill. If you see something you like, you think, 'Must keep that, will definitely want to look at that again.' Left click, right click, press 'save'. While you may go back to it, I hardly ever do - what a waste of space! Oh, and time.

So, I created a whole lot of folders such as 'Bath & Shower', 'Big Boys', 'Chests', 'Couples', 'Fucking', 'Getting Undressed', 'Kissing', 'Outdoors', 'Sports', 'Hunks & Muscle Men', 'Twinks & Jocks', etc. Standard stuff - we all categorise our porn like that, don't we? As I started moving files around, I'd sometimes have to create new categories. Or even, subcategories. After I'd created two subcategories I really started to wonder about myself. Downloading porn that I never look at is one thing but getting obsessive on how to categorise it was definitely a bit beyond the pale. It gets worse. Rather stupidly, I hadn't thought of just how difficult it can be to categorise things that can easily belong to two or more categories. Contending with that is what librarians do every day,of course, but they get paid for it and they are trained in indexing methods and have access to sophisticated indexing tools.

After two hours of wading through lots of naked flesh and erect cocks, I finally saw the error of my ways and went and had a cold shower. Well, not quite, I merely went outside for a cigarette in the icy wind. When I got back, I got rid of it all. That's a lie - I kept a folder called 'Best Pictures'. I just couldn't bring myself to delete it. Silly man!

While trawling through the porn I came across two bitmaps created with Microsoft Paint by my daughter. How they got into the porn directory, I really have no idea but I'm sure that I must have moved them there by mistake. I like to take comfort from thinking that the porn is buried in a folder that is well-hidden from prying eyes. With computer-savvy kids, it may be a false sense of comfort.

The pictures were created about 18 months ago. One is a 'love letter' to the family, the other a 'self-portrait'.

She's actually rather good at art but her MS Paint skills aren't going to have her winning art competitions any time soon. But, they're really sweet so I've kept them. They've been moved to another directory, far away from the porn. I don't like the idea of my occasional porn habit coming anywhere near my children. They'd be horrified if they were to know about it but while I'm sure my daughter isn't a closet porn addict, I know that my son tends to dabble.

In yesterday's cleaning up exercise, I came across various Word files with odd, meaningless names. They were full of pictures of bare, busty women. Not the sort of thing I'd look at never mind actually create! When I'm in Cape Town, the kids often use my laptop as it's more powerful than the desktop. Mostly they use it for games but they also use the internet connection. I guess I now know what my son uses the internet for!

All this housekeeping stuff and internet porn reminded me of the shock I got when I did a bit scanning using the desktop about 18 months after I left Cape Town to work in the UK. Before I left, I made sure that all the dodgy stuff had been removed. I was very careful to remove all history and temporary files from Explorer. I deleted all files of an incriminating nature. And, no, I didn't forget to empty the recycle bin!

After scanning whatever it was, I opened up the computer's image manipulation program. As with most programs these days, it keeps a track of recently opened documents. I discovered that there's no need to actually open the documents to see what they were as the thumbnails open automatically.

Pictures of myself in very compromising positions with my ex!

I felt all light-headed with the shock of it. The horror of it! The shame of it! I tried to open the images but an error was returned. The images no longer existed even though the thumb nails were displayed. It seems that the program retains a 'ghost' of the image even though the image no longer exists.

Thank God no one had used the program since I'd last used it. That's what I tell myself, what I keep telling myself, as I can't be entirely sure that no one had opened the program even if it hadn't been used to manipulate other images since then.

4 Comments:

Blogger portuguesa nova said...

Ha!! I love your categories.

I still don't fully understand the male porn fasicnation.

It is entirely, entirely impossible to hide anything on your computer anymore. I consider myself sort of a computer geek...I can't imagine what the generation younger than me must be like.

2:11 am  
Blogger David said...

I'm with you brother. I so totally categorize my porn before never looking at it again. Sad, isn't it?

5:39 am  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

PN: I think it must be a male thing, straight and gay. You know the score, cliche or not, men objectify sex much more than women do. Amongst themselves, men (especially gay ones) will openly talk about their porn habits but there is still a tendency to regard porn-watching as a 'dirty secret'.

Which is why I was mildly shocked, not so long ago, by work colleagues discussing it openly with their female colleagues.

David: Glad to know that there's at least two of us that have such weird, sad habits! :-)

9:49 am  
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